From Living to Lots

Let me start by saying thanks to Danny McGrane for opening up his blog for us to post insight from our minds a' meanders. My name is Franko Hudson (Jahbone) and I will be your blogger today.

Spring is slowly edging her way through layers of snowy shores, and turned down blinds insulated by plastic curtains, and that can mean one thing, Baseball season has nearly arrived. Now I’m not sure how everyone out there anticipates warm weather, but Spring Training has become for me a time honored tradition to start scouting prospects, scraping the grill clean to get those first brats roasting, and saving up packs of empty cigarette boxes. Why in the world would anybody save up empty cigarette boxes in the spring no less. The answer is simple, Cigarette Baseball.

I am familiar with the initial reaction to the name of the game. There is no association with watching baseball and smoking. There are no lit cigarettes used as bats or balls. The game evolved from an empty water bottle (I found the liter Smart Water bottles work great) and an empty pack of cigarettes to simulate the head to head, pitcher/batter competition.

Before you can start playing cigarette Baseball give yourself about 16’ between the mound and the batter’s box. Then outline dimensions within your space to incorporate real time baseball game play. We tend to use a coffee table in the middle of the room that the ball (cigarette pack) must go beyond to signify a single. Balls hit that do not pass this area are a ground out, or pop out. A ball hit off of a wall that lands in fair play is either a single or a double (usually a judgment call). A ball hit up the middle skirting by the pitcher to the back wall reaching your area’s “warning track” is a triple, and a ball hit in the air reaching the wall behind your pitcher is a homerun. This rule is generally 5’ above is a homerun, and 5’ and under is a triple. The pitcher can make plays on hit balls by catching them before they hit the ground. This would be an out and no runners advance. And yes, the best part of all is you get to use ghost runners, just like you did back in the good old days when you knocked out your share of windows.

One rule I need to mention is with the cigarette boxes themselves. Take the plastic from the pack and put it back on reverse, covering the open top box. This will make your ball (pack) travel with more control, better to hit, and last longer from Crushers like Jon Lee knocking the skin loose.

Koufax mastered the curve in his Aunt's living room. She
was notorious in the 'hood for having extra packs of smokes
and bottles of Coca-Cola everywhere.

“Baseball's thought of as this game of Geometry. It’s perfect.... It has the strictest rules, and it has the strictest history. Everything interpreted. And kids play it all over the place. You can improvise baseball in a living room. You can improvise on a New York street...you can play it in a pasture. You can play it on the side of a hill. You can play baseball anywhere.”

Anchor the ribs of the bottle cap as you step to the plate. Wipe your palms across your forehead, and tap the meat of the bat to get that semblance of resin, flick your wrist and trademark your batter stance as that pitcher tries to weasel a strike across YOUR plate. Stare him down as the hesitation behind his stance reveals to you he’s not going to throw any breaking pitches. He wants to come at you with the pitch he’s most comfortable throwing. High-heat. But you’re ready to knock the shadow off the ball. Windup, release, shoulders come around, and connect. No reaction time can anticipate the trajectory of the ball once it launches from the plastic compressed bottle. The ball lands in fair territory, and your ghost runner elegantly glides in for a stand up double. You’re ready to serve up another shot, and get into this stinker’s bullpen.

“DUCKS ON THE POND! DRIVE EM’ IN!”

(to stay honest, this is where I picked up again after birthday Jameson).

So this is what it feels like when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object. Only thing is, this immovable object is flawed. A swing violent and compact, disturbing to a brush-off attempt, yet on a rock-slide as the elusive cutter bows and skips, drawing the batters shoulder down revealing a massive hole in the swing. This is where one draws from an arsenal of pitches to exploit the vulnerability of the batter at hand. A quick, Frisbee-esque flip sails the ball over rising waves of turbulence. A swing, all a flutter. Man on second, two out. Flip another fastball. ….. Too high. 1-1. Adjust position of pack in hand, and follow same pitching motion dropping a drooping changer on the saddle. Strike two. Got ‘em where you want ‘em. “This one’s a doozey. I’ll tell you it’s coming and you’ll never hit it.” It’s the side-winder table drop. It’s shooting from the hip, from outside of your body to across your waist. We can call it the “Pat Neshek” for recognitions sake. This pitch swings right, then cuts sharply left, and drops off the table. I think in Mr. Baseball they called it “Shoo-tow.” Ow, strike three. Next time I’ll offer you a shot to go with that chaser.

There you have it, the basic rules of the game. Now it’s up to you to develop your game by becoming an artisan on the mound, and a masher at the plate.

See ya on the main stage

-Jahbone