What I would have said: January Jones

Why is South Dakota so windy?

Yesterday was quite the day to be a South Dakotan. It started off with the gut-busting, laugh-riot of a bill proposed in Pierre. This piggy backs an enabling bill, proposed just weeks ago, going to show that the lawmakers can put two and two together. Anyone in their right mind would surely agree that this is a common sense solution to a common folk problem. It's just so positive! Without these bills, I worry about what will happen in streets from Volga to Belvidere. I can't wait until the "pro abortionist" mobilization is finally thwarted by the compassionate, clear-headed casserole crew behind the two new bills. It's gonna get Egyptian, baby!

Then it was announced that the big game is back on.

Later on in the evening:

I like having a celebrity from South Dakota. She may be kind of B-list, but she's done an amazing job on Mad Men and always lights up the red carpet (and Huffington Post). But after watching this, I think it's safe to say Ms. Jones may have been a little too Hollywood for a little too long to be much of an ambassador for the Mount Rushmore State.


Editor's Note: This is being written in Pennsylvania.


Now, I'm not suggesting that she gets Daschled--there aren't really any starlets waiting in the wings. But we do need her to raise South Dakota awareness and we need to make sure she has the talking points.

It doesn't matter?: When asked which Dakota you are from, it does matter. Don't say there are still people who call it the Dakota Territories because there aren't. I get that she's showcasing the "South Dakota humble" but in this instance it reeks of weakness.

"Jon, I'm from Sioux Falls, South Dakota"

Mason/Dixon: It may just be the part of the state that I'm from (a mere 45 miles from Sioux Falls), but I don't remember meeting anyone from North Dakota until I moved to Minneapolis--and they were weird. They weren't weird because of some accent or their driving style, though. No, they were weird because they had a vacant, almost homicidal gaze that could only come from a) living anywhere but Fargo or Grand Forks or b) living in Fargo or Grand Forks. It's so flat! Fargo--that movie, those people were dumb--Priceless! (Just go with it). And Grand Forks- it snows eight feet at a time, three times a week from October until May. And then once spring rears its ugly head, set your watch by it, the Red River will destroy the entire town. God doesn't tell these people to build arks--he makes them fill sand bags.

"Well, it's like they say, the only reason it's so windy in South Dakota is because Nebraska sucks and North Dakota blows."

Celebrities: There is no reason why Ms. Jones should know that Roger Maris was from North Dakota. I don't think there's a reason she should know who he is at all. But it shouldn't take so long to come up with Tom Brokaw, for chrissakes. And where was the Bob Barker bomb? Here's a list, take your pick.

"Jon, let's get a hooker--let's go crazy, get some coke...but you have to be into Betsy--Come on Stewart! Pat O'Brien, Access Hollywood, ever heard of him?"

If you haven't heard the O'Brien messages lately, I highly recommend it. Beware, this thing plays on its own and it's REALLY funny!

Rivalry: When given the opportunity to talk smack about West River, you take it! 

"Those bow-legged belt buckles learn how to chew tabaccie before they learn how to read. That is, assuming they learn how to read."

Miscellaneous: There are no Jews in South Dakota, she's right about that.